The old woman...

I was at a religious building for my church. The gates were closed, so only pedestrians, not vehicles, were allowed. At first, I thought I was the only one there. As I began to circle the beautiful white building and enjoy the flowers and landscape that surrounded it, however, I saw an old woman coming towards me in a wheelchair. We passed each other and exchanged a few words as she continued on her way and I on mine.

I was thinking deeply about things in my life, and found a bench to sit on to contemplate them more fully. I thought about patience, and the things that I seemed to have been waiting for forever and how they still had not come to fruition. I was in tears within a short period of time, and suddenly the old woman showed up again, having gone all the way around the building and back to where I was. I did not have time to hide, so just greeted her with red eyes, and again we exchanged a few words. She asked me if I'd been inside the building and I said I had. She said she had not, but she needed to prepare and go.

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but as she wheeled away, I was a different person. I realized that, although I sought God's will, I was bemoaning my state and focusing on things I did not have instead of being grateful for what I have and what I continue to be blessed with. I recommitted to service and to gratitude, and in so doing, received many of the answers I was looking for. Since that moment, many things have changed in my life.

This was not my SayGoBeDo, but whether or not she realized it, God placed that old woman there at the right time to pull me out of myself and back to Him. How grateful I am to Him!

miracles

About a month after YFF, I felt like I should finally send the letters to all my councilors that I had been working on for several weeks. I wrote what was in my heart for them, and then I quickly sent them off, forgetting most of what I had written.

Today I was talking to one of them, and he said that he had received my letter several weeks ago, skimmed it, and then put it up on the sun visor of his car. He too forgot it was there.

He went through several weeks of the most trying time of his life. No matter what he tried, he couldn't seem to find the answer that he was seeking. Then, one day, he felt like he should go to a special spot on the mountain above his home. Again, he sought answers. The sun was in his eyes, and he reached up to pull his visor down. There was my letter. Reading it again, the answer he had been seeking finally came. I am thankful for God's hand in our lives!

Check out her wares

Last night I walked down the street after having a wonderful time watching a movie at Asia's house (it was Hot Rod...We all chuckled) and felt right after the movie "ok, it's time to go" 9an unusual thought for me in that situation). So off I go, wandering the path most traveld by in the town, all of three blocks toward my home on foot. When suddenly, as I'm less than half a block from my home, the saygobedo moment hits me "go to the indian store and check out her wares." After taking a second to confirm the thought, I choose to do so.
Across the street I venture and inside I find amazing pieces of art and cultural decor, all amazingly fabricated, and yet very much out of my price range. I read this article on the wall of a woman who lost three boys in three separate wars, it was the owner's grandmother, and she started top tel me the old woman's story. Then not too long she was telling me her story. I was i there for an hour and over time she mentioned that last night was the first time she had prayed in many years, and shew wanted to find and read her patriarchal blessing. She is an interesting woman; has very deep eyes that have been hurt by years of abuse and rejection,and so she fights against the Powers that be and finds lots of misery in the quarrel.
I wasn't meant to try and change her life now, just to listen and to support her, and encourage her on her good decisions. What an interesting way to spend the rest of my night

PS. she has an upstairs apartment that is fully furnished from the nineteen thirties era, except a completely modern kitchen and everything is reupholstered, it was a beautiful apartment (also, she doesnt live in that one, she's trying to rent it)

This is not the last time

I'm sorry for not writing more in the last month. It's past my onw month mark and this experience has become a quest for me. Is this because of my success? No, Quite the opposite, it's because no matter how I try i feel like I am a failure; in incomplete mixture of the necessary ingredients. Is it because I lack the talents or the skills necessary to do this? No. It's that I lack the commitment. The true virtue of commitment. And is this because of my weakness? No. It's because of my own falsly perceived strength! Is this a paradoxal concept? YES! Indeed it is! however, many of the truths in life are paradoxes.
It is said that Man is less than the dust of the earth, and in this i find joy and sorrw. "Why? I'm pretty cool aren't I?" Yes, you are cool Kyle, but still less than the dust of the earth. And when I truly realize this I can find the peace, which contasins this truth: If I am nothing, what could i ever do to screw up? Nothing. I can't do anything enough to destroy anything irreperably, I can always turn back.
Now, I'm supposed to say this: "In service you shall truly be humble, and this is to be made humble. By the work of your hands ye become the work in the Master's hands" and why not? our greatest humility and therefore greatest power is in the times when it is not about us, but about them and us together in service.
So, this next month, I'm going to be humble, yep, and I'm going to pray for it...and hard too, and He will answer my prayers, and this I know.

"Why am I going through this?"

It seems to me that the more I experience the more I can help other people. That sounds obvious doesn't it? well, this saygobedo is not about my own experience (although it relates to it), but rather my mom's. Yesterday she took an hour or two off from her insane and frantic schedule of cleaning for a home show this Friday to go an get a massage from a local woman. This woman is quite the kindly sort, she is a single mother and is going through quite a few trials herself, all quite unique to her life, but along the same lines of many situations faced by this Cheryl Church. The say go be do in this case is over a long period of time; years and years even. As each day when my mom was going through being a single mother, depression, 4 kids, and a family situation that is one of the most entertaining stories that I have ever heard in my life (but, keep in mind, even tragedies are entertaining). There were many days when "give up" was her first thought which came to mind, but "keep going" was the saygobedo that she followed. Years of this went by for my mom, and eventually life became as bright as she made it, a near perfect contrast to her young single mother days (she is a beautiful woman, and I adore her).
This young masseuse needed that example, and my mother's listening ear and compassionate heart to make it through her life now, as my mother needed people like that then. Everyday, the very first thought we have could determine our path. Will we give up, or will we keep going? will we face the darkness and choose to BE bright and hopeful despite a hopeless view of the situation? Or is it going to BE a hanging head which guides us?
My life, and countless others have been permanently affected by what she chose to be, each an every day. In this case it was a loving mother, but what about in ours? I wonder...

Apologies

I find that whenever the thought comes to mind to apologize it means it really is time to. You know the struggles of it, but you can get past those, because it's time.

Resistance and redemption

"With great power comes great responsibility" -Uncle Ben
"He who [acts] against the greater light receives the greater condemnation"-God
Last night when I returned home from a day out with my buddy T-Bone (Andy) my mom said that there are people in the motel who were looking for me, like ME in particular, like they asked for "Kyle," whihc blew my mind and I was very humbled and nervous becuase of it. SO it turns out that it was a couple and their daughter who had been out here a month ago and stayed at the motel. When they were here before I just felt like talking to them about their son and family (not even a saygobedo, but just a forcive habit of kindness) and they lit up, and after the conversation they took off back to Cali and out of my life. Well this couple was the very couple who wanted to talk to me last night.
I went straight down there and they were less than fully dressed (Whoops) and were like "hey Kyle :-)" (<--that's a direct quote by the way) and then they said they remembered talking to me a month ago about their sojn. Well their surfshop manager son on the Pacific Coast Highway had sent with them a shirt from the shop as a gift to me. I was so humbled and grateful, I don't even know this guy! And this couple did all the foot work.
This morning I knew I'd see them when I was out working, and I wanted to say HI and ask them about their daughter they left out here for a month. Well, for like a half an hour they were near their car loading it and I felt to go and talk to them again. I didn't do it, just kept putting it off. Eventually they drove away. I felt horrible, becuase I KNEW i should do that. This is indicative of my experiences with saygobedo all the time, the more I act on it, the better I feel. The less I do, the more i condemn myself for submitting to apprehension about some unknowable result. However, Even if i hold off, I cn still create an amazing experience out of any situation, because the two thinkgs that I know will never change are that agency is sovereign, and that change is neverending. So even if I didn't choose to change before, I can do so now, and in the next success lies my redemption from the fear.
It's a beautiful world isn't it? And my new shirt's pretty fly too.