The old woman...

I was at a religious building for my church. The gates were closed, so only pedestrians, not vehicles, were allowed. At first, I thought I was the only one there. As I began to circle the beautiful white building and enjoy the flowers and landscape that surrounded it, however, I saw an old woman coming towards me in a wheelchair. We passed each other and exchanged a few words as she continued on her way and I on mine.

I was thinking deeply about things in my life, and found a bench to sit on to contemplate them more fully. I thought about patience, and the things that I seemed to have been waiting for forever and how they still had not come to fruition. I was in tears within a short period of time, and suddenly the old woman showed up again, having gone all the way around the building and back to where I was. I did not have time to hide, so just greeted her with red eyes, and again we exchanged a few words. She asked me if I'd been inside the building and I said I had. She said she had not, but she needed to prepare and go.

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but as she wheeled away, I was a different person. I realized that, although I sought God's will, I was bemoaning my state and focusing on things I did not have instead of being grateful for what I have and what I continue to be blessed with. I recommitted to service and to gratitude, and in so doing, received many of the answers I was looking for. Since that moment, many things have changed in my life.

This was not my SayGoBeDo, but whether or not she realized it, God placed that old woman there at the right time to pull me out of myself and back to Him. How grateful I am to Him!

miracles

About a month after YFF, I felt like I should finally send the letters to all my councilors that I had been working on for several weeks. I wrote what was in my heart for them, and then I quickly sent them off, forgetting most of what I had written.

Today I was talking to one of them, and he said that he had received my letter several weeks ago, skimmed it, and then put it up on the sun visor of his car. He too forgot it was there.

He went through several weeks of the most trying time of his life. No matter what he tried, he couldn't seem to find the answer that he was seeking. Then, one day, he felt like he should go to a special spot on the mountain above his home. Again, he sought answers. The sun was in his eyes, and he reached up to pull his visor down. There was my letter. Reading it again, the answer he had been seeking finally came. I am thankful for God's hand in our lives!

Check out her wares

Last night I walked down the street after having a wonderful time watching a movie at Asia's house (it was Hot Rod...We all chuckled) and felt right after the movie "ok, it's time to go" 9an unusual thought for me in that situation). So off I go, wandering the path most traveld by in the town, all of three blocks toward my home on foot. When suddenly, as I'm less than half a block from my home, the saygobedo moment hits me "go to the indian store and check out her wares." After taking a second to confirm the thought, I choose to do so.
Across the street I venture and inside I find amazing pieces of art and cultural decor, all amazingly fabricated, and yet very much out of my price range. I read this article on the wall of a woman who lost three boys in three separate wars, it was the owner's grandmother, and she started top tel me the old woman's story. Then not too long she was telling me her story. I was i there for an hour and over time she mentioned that last night was the first time she had prayed in many years, and shew wanted to find and read her patriarchal blessing. She is an interesting woman; has very deep eyes that have been hurt by years of abuse and rejection,and so she fights against the Powers that be and finds lots of misery in the quarrel.
I wasn't meant to try and change her life now, just to listen and to support her, and encourage her on her good decisions. What an interesting way to spend the rest of my night

PS. she has an upstairs apartment that is fully furnished from the nineteen thirties era, except a completely modern kitchen and everything is reupholstered, it was a beautiful apartment (also, she doesnt live in that one, she's trying to rent it)

This is not the last time

I'm sorry for not writing more in the last month. It's past my onw month mark and this experience has become a quest for me. Is this because of my success? No, Quite the opposite, it's because no matter how I try i feel like I am a failure; in incomplete mixture of the necessary ingredients. Is it because I lack the talents or the skills necessary to do this? No. It's that I lack the commitment. The true virtue of commitment. And is this because of my weakness? No. It's because of my own falsly perceived strength! Is this a paradoxal concept? YES! Indeed it is! however, many of the truths in life are paradoxes.
It is said that Man is less than the dust of the earth, and in this i find joy and sorrw. "Why? I'm pretty cool aren't I?" Yes, you are cool Kyle, but still less than the dust of the earth. And when I truly realize this I can find the peace, which contasins this truth: If I am nothing, what could i ever do to screw up? Nothing. I can't do anything enough to destroy anything irreperably, I can always turn back.
Now, I'm supposed to say this: "In service you shall truly be humble, and this is to be made humble. By the work of your hands ye become the work in the Master's hands" and why not? our greatest humility and therefore greatest power is in the times when it is not about us, but about them and us together in service.
So, this next month, I'm going to be humble, yep, and I'm going to pray for it...and hard too, and He will answer my prayers, and this I know.

"Why am I going through this?"

It seems to me that the more I experience the more I can help other people. That sounds obvious doesn't it? well, this saygobedo is not about my own experience (although it relates to it), but rather my mom's. Yesterday she took an hour or two off from her insane and frantic schedule of cleaning for a home show this Friday to go an get a massage from a local woman. This woman is quite the kindly sort, she is a single mother and is going through quite a few trials herself, all quite unique to her life, but along the same lines of many situations faced by this Cheryl Church. The say go be do in this case is over a long period of time; years and years even. As each day when my mom was going through being a single mother, depression, 4 kids, and a family situation that is one of the most entertaining stories that I have ever heard in my life (but, keep in mind, even tragedies are entertaining). There were many days when "give up" was her first thought which came to mind, but "keep going" was the saygobedo that she followed. Years of this went by for my mom, and eventually life became as bright as she made it, a near perfect contrast to her young single mother days (she is a beautiful woman, and I adore her).
This young masseuse needed that example, and my mother's listening ear and compassionate heart to make it through her life now, as my mother needed people like that then. Everyday, the very first thought we have could determine our path. Will we give up, or will we keep going? will we face the darkness and choose to BE bright and hopeful despite a hopeless view of the situation? Or is it going to BE a hanging head which guides us?
My life, and countless others have been permanently affected by what she chose to be, each an every day. In this case it was a loving mother, but what about in ours? I wonder...

Apologies

I find that whenever the thought comes to mind to apologize it means it really is time to. You know the struggles of it, but you can get past those, because it's time.

Resistance and redemption

"With great power comes great responsibility" -Uncle Ben
"He who [acts] against the greater light receives the greater condemnation"-God
Last night when I returned home from a day out with my buddy T-Bone (Andy) my mom said that there are people in the motel who were looking for me, like ME in particular, like they asked for "Kyle," whihc blew my mind and I was very humbled and nervous becuase of it. SO it turns out that it was a couple and their daughter who had been out here a month ago and stayed at the motel. When they were here before I just felt like talking to them about their son and family (not even a saygobedo, but just a forcive habit of kindness) and they lit up, and after the conversation they took off back to Cali and out of my life. Well this couple was the very couple who wanted to talk to me last night.
I went straight down there and they were less than fully dressed (Whoops) and were like "hey Kyle :-)" (<--that's a direct quote by the way) and then they said they remembered talking to me a month ago about their sojn. Well their surfshop manager son on the Pacific Coast Highway had sent with them a shirt from the shop as a gift to me. I was so humbled and grateful, I don't even know this guy! And this couple did all the foot work.
This morning I knew I'd see them when I was out working, and I wanted to say HI and ask them about their daughter they left out here for a month. Well, for like a half an hour they were near their car loading it and I felt to go and talk to them again. I didn't do it, just kept putting it off. Eventually they drove away. I felt horrible, becuase I KNEW i should do that. This is indicative of my experiences with saygobedo all the time, the more I act on it, the better I feel. The less I do, the more i condemn myself for submitting to apprehension about some unknowable result. However, Even if i hold off, I cn still create an amazing experience out of any situation, because the two thinkgs that I know will never change are that agency is sovereign, and that change is neverending. So even if I didn't choose to change before, I can do so now, and in the next success lies my redemption from the fear.
It's a beautiful world isn't it? And my new shirt's pretty fly too.

Study

It seems to me that my study lately (which has taken up quite a bit of my free time, and has even acted as an excuse for me to not write on my blog which I hae loved for so very long :-) has been the greatest form of service I have had! For instance, the other ady I spent an entire afternoon reflecting on, studying, and searching for answers on the topic of agency in realtion to knowledge. I did this specifically for the purpose of using it to teach others the power that we have is naturally magnified by the amount of knowledge we have. A friend out of nowhere asked me about my thoughts on this issue "well I happened to study it ALL day, here's what I think"
Not too long after taht another friend asked me how he cn better prepare for a mission, or at least my thoughts on it. I had the opportunity to teach him that the greatest power to help a person in that way is through conviction wrought by personal experience with the subject; a lesson recently pounded into my heart again and again. and then today I felt like I should go on facebook and post a status, and lo and behold three amazing people said "Thank you" and "this is what I needed today."
What a great lesson for me to have hammered into me, that my study is best for me when I put it to use in helping other people! Yeah woo yea!

For Real

The more I live SayGoBeDo, the more I believe that that is what life is really all about. A religious leader in my church put it this way "The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill one can acquire in this life" (Julie Beck).

I find that when I SayGoBeDo, when I act on the impressions that come to me, I am happy. When I don't follow that quiet, still, voice, I am not. It really is that simple.

wow

This week I had a tremendous experience with Say Go Be Do. Something Ihad been looking forward to for years actually happens this weekend. As I left the building after making the final arrangements for this event, I remembered that I still had a piece of paper that needed to be turned in to the people I had been speaking with. I thought it was only for records, though, and rationalized that I'd turn it in when I got back from the event. I got in my car and drove away, only to go around the corner and straight back - I would give it to them anyway, because it was the right thing to do.

Turns out, that without them having that paper, the event I've been looking forward to would not have happened this weekend. Thank heavens for that little, quiet, perfect voice!

To act....

A few months ago, I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine when the topic turned to relationships. She said that she was "sort of" dating a guy. He was very attractive, polite, and she really liked him. However, things were a little iffy in essentials. There were some questions as to whether or not he had as strong a testimony of the truth and religion as she liked. As we continued talking, I felt like I should say to her, "But Katie, I wish I could see you with someone where there was no question about his testimony." We continued talking, and shared more thoughts and ideas before the conversation turned again.

A few weeks past, and the next time I talked to my friend, she had broken things off with this guy, although they were still good friends. She said that she wanted someone where there really was no question. In the same visit, I met someone else she had begun to hang out with, a "good friend." There was no question about him.

Long story short, she is now engaged. I'm sure things would have worked out the way they were supposed to anyway, but I am very grateful I followed that Voice that told me to say a few small sentences in a casual conversation with a good friend.

Are you awake?

Most of the time, Say Go Be Do moments come as a task to be accomplished, something we must do - or say, or be. Most often, with these Say Go Be Do's, we have no idea why or how, and often they don't seem to make sense, but we know that is what we need to do, so we do it anyway because we recognize the Voice from which they come.

Occasionally, for me at least, they also come as a sort of "if-then" statement - "if you do this, then that will happen." It doesn't seem like there is a logical connection between the two, but I just know what will happen if I take a certain action.

For instance, yesterday I had the hiccups. I know, a very small thing. Yet, I was wondering how to get rid of them as I went about my daily activities. Glancing in my purse, I saw a box of Altoids. Suddenly, I knew quite positively that if I had a mint, my hiccups would go away. They did.

Small thing, of course, yet when I think about what happened after that yesterday, I begin to wonder if there are any truly insignificant things. You see, yesterday I was in a difficult place, and had gotten into a state of being I did not want. I felt negative, critical, and pessimistic. Also, as usually happens when you are in the wrong state of being, I thought I was doing perfectly fine. I knew I was not happy, yet still I thought I was alright. However, after the Altoids incident, I felt to really seek my Father in Heaven for a change of heart. It took some effort, but finally my state shifted, and I was able to go through the process to be in a place of happiness and SayGoBeDo again. I was back in the Spirit. Words cannot describe how important that shift was for me.

Coincidence? Perhaps. Yet I think sometimes God gives us Say Go Be Do moments, like telling me how to get rid of the hiccups, to show that He cares, and also to remind us where the center of all our thoughts should be anyway. They are a wake up call to turn to the things that really matter - like Him.

Ridiculous conversations that I love so very dearly

Many of my Saygobedo moments are along the lines of "Hey, go talk to that person" and not knowing what about. The prompting came yesterday when I was with a couple of my friends at a movie. Now don't judge me too harshly for this, but due to the nature of the 1/2 star rated flick we chose to spend alot of time talking (very mystery science theatre of us). Every once in a while I would receive a saygobedo to switch the person of conversation from onw side to the other, but I had nothing of importance say to either person, nor those on either side of them, and yet speak came to mind. The result? closer relationships with my two very good friends to either side (and a rather disappointed movie goer to our rear, i feel the conversation was good, but the volume gets a solid f-)
And with my buddy Fernando Gaertner, all we talk about is rediculous things. Not even ideas, like "dude, if we were doctors, we'd be doctors on how to be more manly (because neither of us are), and we wouldnt treat them with anythign but rogain and just for men...[fifteen minute conversation of a whimsical nature]"
The lesson is that no matter the prompting, the topic of conversation will come, and if there is no particular one of importance? Then all is fair in Whim and Fancy.

Trust

Emily, very well said, and thank you for it.

Baby steps is right. over the last year, particularly in the last month, it has been AMAZING for me. So many shouts from the soul "Get up and move!" and so many times the conscious mind responds "Yeah! LET'S DO IT!!!". however, the conscious mind is looking for the results as soon as it acted. This is not the way I've seen it lately. My experience from yesterday was a compound of the last year. From when I was shown my purpose as a Return Missionary straight from the Spirit by revelation (because I just don't speak so eloquently) through the laments of failure and cries for release from the inward chastisement for falling short of the mark set in my own mind. Into a world I had not known hiding in plain sight before me, a world of love, friendship, obvious answers, hidden symbolism, influence, and personal understanding. Now I continue to learn how a year ago, searching for what my next at should be, is still the purpose written on my heart, and all of my inner cries to act, and my pleas in which I "ask not amiss" are still on that line. Yesterday I was given a new gift that I cannot share yet, but hopefully will be able to share with many of you soon (I'm still not proficient enough yet in it). With this new gift comes a new weight on my shoulders. With each saygobedo there is a similar weight, but these are, in many cases, not our burdens to bear. last night i felt that as I shared this new gift with my friend who knows it intimately herself...I'm very grateful for all the slight turns on my path that led me to this place. Very grateful indeed :-)

Baby Steps

My uncle and aunt have a blog about their journey as they watch their little daughter overcome cancer. It is inspirational to me, and recently my uncle discussed how even the littlest steps by a small child are a cause for celebration. We don't sit their and criticize a baby for taking to long to learn how to walk, or for falling down again and again...or even again. Instead, we celebrate.

In a lot of ways, I think that that is how saygobedo is. We are learning to walk in a whole new way. Just like a child, a lot of times we fall down, and then we fall down again. That is not the point. The point is that we are heading in the right direction, and that every little step gets us just a little bit closer to that goal. Each time we saygobedo, each time we act instead of just thinking about acting, we become a little more who we were meant to be, and we make the world just a little bit better. All together, we move the world from where it is, to where it could be.

Touring the Countryside

When my mom asked mw what I wanted to do fro my birthday all that came to mind was driving to Boulder Utah down Highway 12 (An AMAZING drive by the way). She wanted to come, and I felt like an invitation would go swimmingly here. Long story short, I had an incredible trip through some of the most rugged terrain in the continental United States into a Shan-gri-la style mountain town with one of the most wonderful people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and licky for me, that person is my mother. We had amazing conversation and made headway on the issue from Monday night. What better Birthday present can a man get than a fantastic memory to hold and cherish forever!

The Cold Hard Facts

and now Saturday's Monday...great...
Hey mom and dad, I just want to sit down and talk about how you feel I am prepared for life, I feel like I need to talk to you two before I can make any decisions. If I were to go off on my own right now how do you think I'd do?
"Not well"
...ok...well...
'What are your plans Kyle? What are you even thinking of doing?
[Kyle's plans, hopes, and dreams...]
"What?!? that is the absolute worst thing that you could do! That is just stupid! Why would you do that?"
I was just thinking it's more in line with who I want to be and what I want to do.
The conversation turned out to be more of a lecture on my poor life choices, at least in their eyes. I am torn by this whole thing. I thought that my hopes and dreams are in line with what the spirit has taught me about who I am meant to be. What I am supposed to do. Who I am going to help. But when I talk to my parents about it as I've been prompted to multiple times I feel degraded by them and by myself. Are these thoughts really mine? Or are they a Higher Power's? And then why am I so driven to do such outlandish things? The conversation really hurt, and I have had to re-examine my motives and intents. Sometimes I guess we have to feel the pain at the beginning to avoid it at the end. Or is it that the pain comes at first to help you understand it as you go through the path.
I just want to know...Is this preparation for my path or is it a deterrent? But I guess that might be up to me.

Honest with Myself

What is the greatest thing we can learn in this life? It is my opinion that there is no greater truth we can discover than personal identity. "Who am I?" is uttered by every soul on the earth, whether it be silently or verbally, at some point in life. I have learned who I am; I have learned who everybody else is; and I know what it is I am intended to do (in a broad sense, and I discover the particulars as I continue on my journey).
But I am just a man, and as a man I am an example of the rest of humanity. We all are meant to find, or rather, create who we are as individuals and as a collective. This weekend I have had cousins in town whom I have never been close with in the entirety of my life. So I jsut tried my best to be hones with who I am, honest with who they are, and honest about what I believe. Many different Saygobedos have come in that short time so far, and today my cousin, who is still trying to establish who he is as a man, said to me "Kyle, you're a good person...you're a great role model." I didn't feel taht I had done anything special of unique, but I simply tried my best top act according to who I feel I am.
I'm quite excited that each person can have an impact regardless of how weak he/she is.
"The weak things of the world shall go forth and break down the mighty and strong ones..."

This is truth

"You need to see Laren at 11:30, Kyle" I knew this was right.
after a 6 hour Man-date with one of my good pals, I needed to go over to another friend's house while in Cedar. I should not text her first, I should not call her first, nor any of her room,but show up unannounced. When she answered the door, her eyes filled with shock and gratitude
"How did you know I needed you?"
"Oh, the spirit told me at about seven"
She openly wept in my arms...it was a really tender moment for us. I'm overcome with gratitude when I think of the mercy we receive at the hand of the Almighty"...he counsels in wisdom and in justice and in great mercy over all his works."

(Note: This took over a day and a plethora (teehee) of tries to submit...we all need Patience eh?)

Jumping In

Hi Everyone!

Thanks for your posts so far. The inspire me.

I have had so many SayGoBeDo moments recently that it would be difficult to describe them all at once. I suppose that is why we need to blog daily. I guess my 30 days starts today.

A major SGBD that affected me recently came not through me, but through a friend of mine who followed her impression. She and her husband had been making some decisions about work, and really seeking direction about it. She had been praying a lot but never quite felt like she had received any direction. The other evening, all she felt was that she should call me.

So, she called me and we had a good discussion. We were to the point where it was about time to hang up when I had the feeling that I should ask her how she and her husband were doing financially. She told me their situation and their frustrations. Her husband felt like he needed to strike out on his own, help build and run something. They had talked to people from a school where we had both worked before, but nothing seemed to be happening, and that she felt like she should call me. She had been going on for about 5 minutes when finally it hit me - I was starting a school, and needed someone with exactly his skill set to help me! It made me laugh how long it took for me to realize exactly what was going on.

That one conversation enabled at least half a dozen other important conversations with a number of other people in the past few days. I am always amazed at how much Heavenly Father is a master of timing. Even one day later that conversation would have been much different. As it is, I know that He knows what is going on, and He will make everything work out for our good, perfectly!

Just info

At times we are not told what to do but we are merely given information that we did not acquire by any effort on our own part. We are given this information and are then expected to act on it, to use in some way that will profit us or someone else. It may be knowing something about a person that they never told you or knowing that the tree is going to get blown over in an hour. Whatever the information maybe knowing how to act on it is the most important part. For the past the days I've been trying to figure out how I know this girl from class and how she knows me but to no completion. I know so much about her it is not right, i know her character, how she is going to move, or even a lot of time what she is about to say. I have not met here before the beginning of this week and yet i know her far better than that. what does this mean and how to act is unclear but be assured when we are given any knowledge it is meant to be used.

Matisyahu

As i painted an exterior motel wall today, I felt very strongly to talk to some customers getting ready to leave, they were more than an hour past checkout, and what we talked about was philosophy and his religion (he was wearing a skull cap/yamacha and a prayer shawl). We had a great conversation and I cherish the experience. Then i listened to Matisyahu, a Jewish rapper from NYC (I think) and these are his lyrics from his song King Without a Crown. My mom spoke to me this morning of an insight she had from yesterday; We all "prove" ourselves in this life, not so much by making it through the trials, but by rising above the world/attachments to the world. "For he that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, whosoever shall find his life shall lose it, but whosoever shall lose his life, for my sake, shall find it." "How is it done Lord?" I prayed "I will tell you today as you ponder it out for yourself...you don't want to stand on your mother's conviction, do you?" today as i worked out i felt to listen to this song...it hugely impacted me...how is it done? "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and HE shall raise you up"-James. "Deflate your ego"- Matisyahu.

King Without a Crown:
You're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know your peace
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till twilight
Said thank you to my God, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might

[Chorus:]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now

Strippin’ away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high, bound to stay low
You want God but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy, and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
You keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and then you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze

[Chorus:]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a whole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now

See I lift up my eyes where my help come from
And I seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed
Look to the sky where my help come from
Seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed

{Ziggy-yiggy-yo viggy-yiggy-yo

Listen

I didn't listen when i really needed to today. You know your suppose to but for some reason you chose not to. Today they were making small talk but they really had something to tell me but i was not paying enough attention to notice. I hurt them because of it and yet they still talked to me because they needed someone to listen even if it was with little focus. When you are told to listen do it

Steps Through Fear

Throughout the day I have been given promptings to write my kinda-friend Joe a note to express my feelings. Problem was, I didn't know what my feelings were concerning him. He's a great guy, a year younger than I am, and is in the Army. Tomorrow morning he ships off for sixth months in Iraq and then a year in Afghanistan. What do I tell the man? I've never faced the situation he is facing. I've not even talked to him all that much despite his wanting to talk to me (Yeah, it was a neglectful move on my part). So at first, i struggled with the prompting, but knew it was a saygobedo moment. I eventually mustered up the courage to write him a short note which was as sincere as it could possibly be at the time of almost paralyzing insecurity; for my emotions have not been shown to Joe before.
After the note was written it needed some deliverin, but i had to work all day (from 8am-10pm, and did not have the time to do such deliverin. Eventually, the propmting took hold to leave my work and deliever it right now (at like 9pm). When I got to his house I found only his mom there in the kitchen, very composed, and yet still fairly distraught.
"How are you holding up?" I asked
"Oh, I'm doing good, doing really really well." She seemed rather unconvinced.
after talking a few moments about hos the boys went off to golf for the day, the distinct impression came that she needed a hug, from me, and right then. I don't know how she felt about it, but i felt much more comforted after the hug (despite playing hooky from work to deliver the note).
I guess it's just one of those things; we can't always see the end from the beginning. Joe, thank you for serving my friend, may God be with you, and more importantly for you, may you be with God.

Fight to Act

Sometimes you feel like you should do something but for a reason you don’t hope to guess at nothing works out at first. You’re asking yourself the question” was I really feeling this or was it just my body playing tricks on me?” For the past two months I’ve been fighting to get into BYU for their summer language program. Everything I seemed to do was rejected at every turn. I felt that the Lord wanted me down there but even my Bishop called me in to give me a calling. I was fighting strong when BYU told me they didn’t want me. At that point I asked myself the question again but I knew the answer and knew already what I needed to do. I fought harder and told BYU to relook and to let me in. Four days before classes started my Dad said “great, I’m glade you’re sticking around; I could really use your help, you can be my campaign manager”. Later that evening I received an email saying that BYU had changed their minds and that my fighting had paid off. I know things don’t always turn out like this but there are times we just need to go through the process.

I arrived here at BYU this evening and there were about five people playing folk music out front on the grass. It sounded great! The thought came to mind “ask if they have room for a banjo”. I did and they welcomed me in. Next Saturday I will be playing with the group down at Thanksgiving Point for an event. Chance feeling, chance result, I don’t think so. Act or be acted upon.

Just one example...

Whenever I get an impression to take a step into the dark and talk to friends which I haven't spoken to for a while I become anxious (Self-conscious)and usually displace the thought as soon as I can. But the other day i had the impressions to, not only call up a friend and talk to him, but to ask him a question about something that had been on my mind for a while but had just come to the forefront of my conscious thoughts. I fully felt that this was from God and i needed to do it. But when I called, to my dismay, there was no answer.
Today he called back and we had a great conversation about the "Gift of the Discerning of Spirits," which i feel is essential to understand if I'm going to be committed to this Saygobedo challenge and avoid deception by myself or the adversary. He gave me his opinion on the matter and pointed me to the Doctrine and Covenants section 6. In verse 16 its teaches that only God can know the thoughts and intents of our hearts, and therefore all Satan and his angels can do is make their best guesses about what would be the most powerful temptation for us. I give Satan far too much credit, assuming that he has the knowledge to tempt me with the antithesis of a prompting right before it comes in an effort to distract my attention. But he can't, he can only guess what's going on, and he doesn't know the thoughts of God! So here's my new principle, whatever comes first I will follow with my heart, mind, and soul "doubt[ing] not, fear[ing] not", otherwise, if I doubt, Satan will use truth against me and I will hesitate, thereby missing the opportunity granted to me.
This was an amazing day for revelation! I'm very grateful for it, very much so indeed.

it's like a game of chess with 17 dimensions, 70 billion people, and agency

"Kyle, it's time to go now"
"Yeah, I know..."
I leave a good friend's house where we had made breakfast to go to work, which I'm fairly certain I'm later than i hope, want, and am expected to be. One my way out of tyown, in my half rushed fashion, I come across a dude on the street in camo. "You should give that guy a ride" (sometimes i wait until the third time intentionally because I know it's a saygobedo moment and I like the three witnesses to act) "OK" So i hsd over shot him by now and have to venture round the block to gfind the poor man again (Oh, and it's like 8;23 in the morning I think)
I aught up to him as he went into a dealership parking lot and was peering into cars (I s'pose just to check their wares...) and holler "Would you like a ride?" yes of course he'd like a ride! To the enarest ford dealer please, he simply must find himself a ford for when the gov't pays him a handsom sum of a million dollars. Mike was his name, and Mike was a real nice gato. As he was leaving I said "Don;t forget how much God loves you, Mike" "How did YOU know God loves me?" "Because He loevs everyone as much as he loves you my friend!"
We got to chat a bit, and I was lucky enough to have food left over from breakfast to offer him. He gladly accepted all of it (save the milka dn the strawberry Nesquik...poor guy, those 2 were the best things!) What's the result of this tale? I don't know the final end, but this much I can attest to: As i drove out of town to the North, i felt like I Have never seen farther or more clearly the majestic scenary of our small Cedar City abode...and it had never been so beautiful as it was after I had helped my new friend, Mike :-)

Battles

OOOOOOHHHH. SO thiis what i noticed today. Right when you get a saygobedo moment, the adversary and doubt and fear and apprehension all combine forces, using truth and error, to torment the mind of the honest in heart. "Kyle, go to Cedar City now". ok, done. "Kyle, go to cedar city. no go home and hjelp your sick mother clean her house. go home and play games with your brother. Go to Cedar CIty and talk with Johanna, but whether you do or whether you don;t, it doesn't matter..." and so on. So what is my experience? That the unknown results await me in the ahead of me times. I did get to comfort Laren in Cedar City, and talk with Mila and help her by being a male presence in the hom. I get to make breakfast for Rachel and Jillian. Not to mention retrieve my mother's rescued computer. What would have happened in Panguitch? good things I'm sure. But this is where i should have been, for this is where I've been permitted to see more of myself by seeing into the eyes of my neighbor...what a glorious day.

Ya know, I'm glad I did that.

What more can I say than visit the sick and the afflicted? When i woke up this morning it was to the tune of Kalai, which is great, but it's not the Sunday type of music i was looking for. So I did what i could to get the words of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" in my mind, and life seemed to be good from there. After church, saygobedo suggested my visiting an old Alzheimer patient named Mary Perkins (I am in LVOE with Mary Perkins!). she cracks me up man, so I was like "Yeah, let's do it!" and off i go, I also had the chance to mee Ramona and Mr's Yazzi.
After a lovely visit there, I felt impressed to go and see a woman i hometaught with a highpriest fella when i was fifteen (quick math problem. 22-15=7, 7 years ago (ahahah)), but she wasn't home, or maybe she passed away, I don;t exactly know. as i drive away i see the house of another family i hometaught with the same highpriest man; the Greys. "Hey, go visit the Greys"
"When? Now?"
"Yeah"
"Really? Shouldn't i bring them something? Like cookies maybe?"
"No. What if they have diabetes? You don't know"
"I feel like i should do some prep work..."
"No, you're fine. Just go do it. Saygobedo"
"ok, fine. give me the strenght and I'll do it"
I walk up to the door with a few butterflies. Brother Grey invites me on in and I ask to sit down. This was truly a miraculous meeting. Sister grey has been laid up for months with health issues and has not been able to get to church at all in that time (she had a hard tom seven years ago, let alone now!) She was so shocked to see who I was and even more surprised at the fact that i would take enough note of them to come and visit them. Through the course of the conversation I felt that i should sing them a hymn (She LOVES music), thinking maybe it would help ease the burden of being away from the church. I ask them if i can and they, of course, permit it. So I sang "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" and then "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and it made her life! (well...her day). She was so appreciative! Then she asked me to go next door and sing to her brother and his family whose father (in his 90's) had just passsed away two days ago, and that was also a very powerful meeting for us all.
But the greatest part of the whole day was when I left the Greys, and asked Sister Grey if I could give her a hug. She gave me the BIGGEST HUG OF MY LIFE! I didn't think that she had the strength! It was a fantastic experience. They invited me back anytime i wanted and immediately fear began to pummel me from all sides. But what reason have I to fear? The Lord is on my side! And to men can do anything! so long as one of those two men is God ;-)

"Go to the Temple, Now"

Thursday morning the universe conspired to allow me to get of work at 8:30 in the morning. "well shat should i do now?" i thought. "go study your scriptures on the swing" I was told. "will I need my study journal?" i asked. "no study journal" I was told. So off I go, and after about five minutes of studyingi felt strongly and repeatedly "You need to go to the temple, now." Ok, to the temple I'll go.
With each step and each prayer i felt an assurance that this was the right thing to do, despite it being quite inconvenient and contrary to my plans of going Saturday morning with my friend. Conversely, with each answer from God, i had threee answers from Satan and my own fear. I soon ahd a hard time discerning the spirits aboput what i should do, what i should do on the way, who i should call about things, all sorts of things i needed to study out before i went to the temple. It was about the msot frustrating trip to the temple I've ever ahd for about half of the time to there from Panguitch. I drove the same stretch of raod three or five times in an attempt to find what answer I needed. I had to stop and sleep in my car because I was too tired to keep going. Pretty soon i was "cumbered about with much worrying" and found myself lost in a see of doubts and lesser things.
Alas and curses! My conviction had wained and I was beginnning to be left unto myself; seeking knowledge of details without need, relying too much upon the Lord's hand moving me forcefully, not listening for the WHISPERINGS of the spirit and for peace to be guiding me. (Satan, you're a jerk!)
At last, after allowing the lesser things to be worked out, and doing my best to keep the original intention of the saygobedo moment, I made it to the temple, and all of the important details were taken care of by a mightier power, and the items of lesser importance fell out of my life. The result of the temple trip? A paradigm shift. A new resolve for good. A lesson in Bondage. An additional and clearly stated purpose for my existence. Guidance for my next few steps. Greater integrity. Time with amazing friends. And greatest of all, a knowledge of who I am in the eternities.
Hopefully the next "Kyle, go [______], now" will be accepted more graciously . i suspect it will :-)

Sometimes you've got to walk away from the car

Well...it seems to me that the Lord often asks us to do inconvenient things, and it seems that i can do the mildly inconvenient, and i can do pretty good with the majorly inconvenient, but whenit comes to that middle ground i often waver and stumble, because it's not super easy enough to just say "yeah I'll do that now," and not hard enough to be like "this will revolutionize the world!" but is more along the lines of "sweet thought...i wonder if that was me or something higher...probably me" and then i don't get it done. Yesterday i was prompted to call a friend that i have wanted to help soooo bad since I've been home from Georgia. I made the call and felt that i was going to help, but we had no service! yarrrgh! but it's cool, i asked to call me back later at about eleven. Little did i know that i was going to be on a date with two friends on top of Red Canyon gazing at the stars(i know right 1/2 of a triple date) and then she called...moderately inconvenient right? I NEEDED to talk to her, because SHE needed to here how valuable she is. IT WAS INSANE! we had one of the most intense conversations of my entire life and my heart was like the size of my torso...yep...all of it. I knew that the Lord was working through us. This never would have happened had i not left the car and walked into the dark. It was such a small thing that was moderately hard for me to do...her life is changed forever...and so is mine.

The First Day

Brothers and Sisters, Welcome!
I'm so excited for this to be the greatest account of spiritual endeavors I've undertaken, and suspect that it will magnifiy our efforts ten-fold simply by our account to eachother on what we are doing here. We are serving with every step. Changing with every breath! Manifesting in the lives of others a love that is without shame! We, brothers and sisters, are going to change the world of everyone around us, for we know our purpose, and come hell or high waters we will achieve our end, for no power on earth can slow or stop us from achieving our end, only discomfort and fear will thwart us. Let us not be fearful! Let us not shirkn the fray within ourselves and give place to a very real enemy of our souls whom seeks our destruction through lulling us into complaisance and sloth. But we will not be deceived! For Heaven is our aim! Let us go and be whom we are meant to be.
God speed my friends. :-)
Kyle Bateman