Friday, July 30, 2010

Check out her wares

Last night I walked down the street after having a wonderful time watching a movie at Asia's house (it was Hot Rod...We all chuckled) and felt right after the movie "ok, it's time to go" 9an unusual thought for me in that situation). So off I go, wandering the path most traveld by in the town, all of three blocks toward my home on foot. When suddenly, as I'm less than half a block from my home, the saygobedo moment hits me "go to the indian store and check out her wares." After taking a second to confirm the thought, I choose to do so.
Across the street I venture and inside I find amazing pieces of art and cultural decor, all amazingly fabricated, and yet very much out of my price range. I read this article on the wall of a woman who lost three boys in three separate wars, it was the owner's grandmother, and she started top tel me the old woman's story. Then not too long she was telling me her story. I was i there for an hour and over time she mentioned that last night was the first time she had prayed in many years, and shew wanted to find and read her patriarchal blessing. She is an interesting woman; has very deep eyes that have been hurt by years of abuse and rejection,and so she fights against the Powers that be and finds lots of misery in the quarrel.
I wasn't meant to try and change her life now, just to listen and to support her, and encourage her on her good decisions. What an interesting way to spend the rest of my night

PS. she has an upstairs apartment that is fully furnished from the nineteen thirties era, except a completely modern kitchen and everything is reupholstered, it was a beautiful apartment (also, she doesnt live in that one, she's trying to rent it)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

This is not the last time

I'm sorry for not writing more in the last month. It's past my onw month mark and this experience has become a quest for me. Is this because of my success? No, Quite the opposite, it's because no matter how I try i feel like I am a failure; in incomplete mixture of the necessary ingredients. Is it because I lack the talents or the skills necessary to do this? No. It's that I lack the commitment. The true virtue of commitment. And is this because of my weakness? No. It's because of my own falsly perceived strength! Is this a paradoxal concept? YES! Indeed it is! however, many of the truths in life are paradoxes.
It is said that Man is less than the dust of the earth, and in this i find joy and sorrw. "Why? I'm pretty cool aren't I?" Yes, you are cool Kyle, but still less than the dust of the earth. And when I truly realize this I can find the peace, which contasins this truth: If I am nothing, what could i ever do to screw up? Nothing. I can't do anything enough to destroy anything irreperably, I can always turn back.
Now, I'm supposed to say this: "In service you shall truly be humble, and this is to be made humble. By the work of your hands ye become the work in the Master's hands" and why not? our greatest humility and therefore greatest power is in the times when it is not about us, but about them and us together in service.
So, this next month, I'm going to be humble, yep, and I'm going to pray for it...and hard too, and He will answer my prayers, and this I know.

Monday, July 19, 2010

"Why am I going through this?"

It seems to me that the more I experience the more I can help other people. That sounds obvious doesn't it? well, this saygobedo is not about my own experience (although it relates to it), but rather my mom's. Yesterday she took an hour or two off from her insane and frantic schedule of cleaning for a home show this Friday to go an get a massage from a local woman. This woman is quite the kindly sort, she is a single mother and is going through quite a few trials herself, all quite unique to her life, but along the same lines of many situations faced by this Cheryl Church. The say go be do in this case is over a long period of time; years and years even. As each day when my mom was going through being a single mother, depression, 4 kids, and a family situation that is one of the most entertaining stories that I have ever heard in my life (but, keep in mind, even tragedies are entertaining). There were many days when "give up" was her first thought which came to mind, but "keep going" was the saygobedo that she followed. Years of this went by for my mom, and eventually life became as bright as she made it, a near perfect contrast to her young single mother days (she is a beautiful woman, and I adore her).
This young masseuse needed that example, and my mother's listening ear and compassionate heart to make it through her life now, as my mother needed people like that then. Everyday, the very first thought we have could determine our path. Will we give up, or will we keep going? will we face the darkness and choose to BE bright and hopeful despite a hopeless view of the situation? Or is it going to BE a hanging head which guides us?
My life, and countless others have been permanently affected by what she chose to be, each an every day. In this case it was a loving mother, but what about in ours? I wonder...

Saturday, July 17, 2010


I find that whenever the thought comes to mind to apologize it means it really is time to. You know the struggles of it, but you can get past those, because it's time.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Resistance and redemption

"With great power comes great responsibility" -Uncle Ben
"He who [acts] against the greater light receives the greater condemnation"-God
Last night when I returned home from a day out with my buddy T-Bone (Andy) my mom said that there are people in the motel who were looking for me, like ME in particular, like they asked for "Kyle," whihc blew my mind and I was very humbled and nervous becuase of it. SO it turns out that it was a couple and their daughter who had been out here a month ago and stayed at the motel. When they were here before I just felt like talking to them about their son and family (not even a saygobedo, but just a forcive habit of kindness) and they lit up, and after the conversation they took off back to Cali and out of my life. Well this couple was the very couple who wanted to talk to me last night.
I went straight down there and they were less than fully dressed (Whoops) and were like "hey Kyle :-)" (<--that's a direct quote by the way) and then they said they remembered talking to me a month ago about their sojn. Well their surfshop manager son on the Pacific Coast Highway had sent with them a shirt from the shop as a gift to me. I was so humbled and grateful, I don't even know this guy! And this couple did all the foot work.
This morning I knew I'd see them when I was out working, and I wanted to say HI and ask them about their daughter they left out here for a month. Well, for like a half an hour they were near their car loading it and I felt to go and talk to them again. I didn't do it, just kept putting it off. Eventually they drove away. I felt horrible, becuase I KNEW i should do that. This is indicative of my experiences with saygobedo all the time, the more I act on it, the better I feel. The less I do, the more i condemn myself for submitting to apprehension about some unknowable result. However, Even if i hold off, I cn still create an amazing experience out of any situation, because the two thinkgs that I know will never change are that agency is sovereign, and that change is neverending. So even if I didn't choose to change before, I can do so now, and in the next success lies my redemption from the fear.
It's a beautiful world isn't it? And my new shirt's pretty fly too.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


It seems to me that my study lately (which has taken up quite a bit of my free time, and has even acted as an excuse for me to not write on my blog which I hae loved for so very long :-) has been the greatest form of service I have had! For instance, the other ady I spent an entire afternoon reflecting on, studying, and searching for answers on the topic of agency in realtion to knowledge. I did this specifically for the purpose of using it to teach others the power that we have is naturally magnified by the amount of knowledge we have. A friend out of nowhere asked me about my thoughts on this issue "well I happened to study it ALL day, here's what I think"
Not too long after taht another friend asked me how he cn better prepare for a mission, or at least my thoughts on it. I had the opportunity to teach him that the greatest power to help a person in that way is through conviction wrought by personal experience with the subject; a lesson recently pounded into my heart again and again. and then today I felt like I should go on facebook and post a status, and lo and behold three amazing people said "Thank you" and "this is what I needed today."
What a great lesson for me to have hammered into me, that my study is best for me when I put it to use in helping other people! Yeah woo yea!

Friday, July 9, 2010

For Real

The more I live SayGoBeDo, the more I believe that that is what life is really all about. A religious leader in my church put it this way "The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill one can acquire in this life" (Julie Beck).

I find that when I SayGoBeDo, when I act on the impressions that come to me, I am happy. When I don't follow that quiet, still, voice, I am not. It really is that simple.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


This week I had a tremendous experience with Say Go Be Do. Something Ihad been looking forward to for years actually happens this weekend. As I left the building after making the final arrangements for this event, I remembered that I still had a piece of paper that needed to be turned in to the people I had been speaking with. I thought it was only for records, though, and rationalized that I'd turn it in when I got back from the event. I got in my car and drove away, only to go around the corner and straight back - I would give it to them anyway, because it was the right thing to do.

Turns out, that without them having that paper, the event I've been looking forward to would not have happened this weekend. Thank heavens for that little, quiet, perfect voice!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

To act....

A few months ago, I was having a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine when the topic turned to relationships. She said that she was "sort of" dating a guy. He was very attractive, polite, and she really liked him. However, things were a little iffy in essentials. There were some questions as to whether or not he had as strong a testimony of the truth and religion as she liked. As we continued talking, I felt like I should say to her, "But Katie, I wish I could see you with someone where there was no question about his testimony." We continued talking, and shared more thoughts and ideas before the conversation turned again.

A few weeks past, and the next time I talked to my friend, she had broken things off with this guy, although they were still good friends. She said that she wanted someone where there really was no question. In the same visit, I met someone else she had begun to hang out with, a "good friend." There was no question about him.

Long story short, she is now engaged. I'm sure things would have worked out the way they were supposed to anyway, but I am very grateful I followed that Voice that told me to say a few small sentences in a casual conversation with a good friend.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Are you awake?

Most of the time, Say Go Be Do moments come as a task to be accomplished, something we must do - or say, or be. Most often, with these Say Go Be Do's, we have no idea why or how, and often they don't seem to make sense, but we know that is what we need to do, so we do it anyway because we recognize the Voice from which they come.

Occasionally, for me at least, they also come as a sort of "if-then" statement - "if you do this, then that will happen." It doesn't seem like there is a logical connection between the two, but I just know what will happen if I take a certain action.

For instance, yesterday I had the hiccups. I know, a very small thing. Yet, I was wondering how to get rid of them as I went about my daily activities. Glancing in my purse, I saw a box of Altoids. Suddenly, I knew quite positively that if I had a mint, my hiccups would go away. They did.

Small thing, of course, yet when I think about what happened after that yesterday, I begin to wonder if there are any truly insignificant things. You see, yesterday I was in a difficult place, and had gotten into a state of being I did not want. I felt negative, critical, and pessimistic. Also, as usually happens when you are in the wrong state of being, I thought I was doing perfectly fine. I knew I was not happy, yet still I thought I was alright. However, after the Altoids incident, I felt to really seek my Father in Heaven for a change of heart. It took some effort, but finally my state shifted, and I was able to go through the process to be in a place of happiness and SayGoBeDo again. I was back in the Spirit. Words cannot describe how important that shift was for me.

Coincidence? Perhaps. Yet I think sometimes God gives us Say Go Be Do moments, like telling me how to get rid of the hiccups, to show that He cares, and also to remind us where the center of all our thoughts should be anyway. They are a wake up call to turn to the things that really matter - like Him.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Ridiculous conversations that I love so very dearly

Many of my Saygobedo moments are along the lines of "Hey, go talk to that person" and not knowing what about. The prompting came yesterday when I was with a couple of my friends at a movie. Now don't judge me too harshly for this, but due to the nature of the 1/2 star rated flick we chose to spend alot of time talking (very mystery science theatre of us). Every once in a while I would receive a saygobedo to switch the person of conversation from onw side to the other, but I had nothing of importance say to either person, nor those on either side of them, and yet speak came to mind. The result? closer relationships with my two very good friends to either side (and a rather disappointed movie goer to our rear, i feel the conversation was good, but the volume gets a solid f-)
And with my buddy Fernando Gaertner, all we talk about is rediculous things. Not even ideas, like "dude, if we were doctors, we'd be doctors on how to be more manly (because neither of us are), and we wouldnt treat them with anythign but rogain and just for men...[fifteen minute conversation of a whimsical nature]"
The lesson is that no matter the prompting, the topic of conversation will come, and if there is no particular one of importance? Then all is fair in Whim and Fancy.

Friday, July 2, 2010


Emily, very well said, and thank you for it.

Baby steps is right. over the last year, particularly in the last month, it has been AMAZING for me. So many shouts from the soul "Get up and move!" and so many times the conscious mind responds "Yeah! LET'S DO IT!!!". however, the conscious mind is looking for the results as soon as it acted. This is not the way I've seen it lately. My experience from yesterday was a compound of the last year. From when I was shown my purpose as a Return Missionary straight from the Spirit by revelation (because I just don't speak so eloquently) through the laments of failure and cries for release from the inward chastisement for falling short of the mark set in my own mind. Into a world I had not known hiding in plain sight before me, a world of love, friendship, obvious answers, hidden symbolism, influence, and personal understanding. Now I continue to learn how a year ago, searching for what my next at should be, is still the purpose written on my heart, and all of my inner cries to act, and my pleas in which I "ask not amiss" are still on that line. Yesterday I was given a new gift that I cannot share yet, but hopefully will be able to share with many of you soon (I'm still not proficient enough yet in it). With this new gift comes a new weight on my shoulders. With each saygobedo there is a similar weight, but these are, in many cases, not our burdens to bear. last night i felt that as I shared this new gift with my friend who knows it intimately herself...I'm very grateful for all the slight turns on my path that led me to this place. Very grateful indeed :-)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Baby Steps

My uncle and aunt have a blog about their journey as they watch their little daughter overcome cancer. It is inspirational to me, and recently my uncle discussed how even the littlest steps by a small child are a cause for celebration. We don't sit their and criticize a baby for taking to long to learn how to walk, or for falling down again and again...or even again. Instead, we celebrate.

In a lot of ways, I think that that is how saygobedo is. We are learning to walk in a whole new way. Just like a child, a lot of times we fall down, and then we fall down again. That is not the point. The point is that we are heading in the right direction, and that every little step gets us just a little bit closer to that goal. Each time we saygobedo, each time we act instead of just thinking about acting, we become a little more who we were meant to be, and we make the world just a little bit better. All together, we move the world from where it is, to where it could be.