Touring the Countryside

When my mom asked mw what I wanted to do fro my birthday all that came to mind was driving to Boulder Utah down Highway 12 (An AMAZING drive by the way). She wanted to come, and I felt like an invitation would go swimmingly here. Long story short, I had an incredible trip through some of the most rugged terrain in the continental United States into a Shan-gri-la style mountain town with one of the most wonderful people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and licky for me, that person is my mother. We had amazing conversation and made headway on the issue from Monday night. What better Birthday present can a man get than a fantastic memory to hold and cherish forever!

The Cold Hard Facts

and now Saturday's Monday...great...
Hey mom and dad, I just want to sit down and talk about how you feel I am prepared for life, I feel like I need to talk to you two before I can make any decisions. If I were to go off on my own right now how do you think I'd do?
"Not well"
...ok...well...
'What are your plans Kyle? What are you even thinking of doing?
[Kyle's plans, hopes, and dreams...]
"What?!? that is the absolute worst thing that you could do! That is just stupid! Why would you do that?"
I was just thinking it's more in line with who I want to be and what I want to do.
The conversation turned out to be more of a lecture on my poor life choices, at least in their eyes. I am torn by this whole thing. I thought that my hopes and dreams are in line with what the spirit has taught me about who I am meant to be. What I am supposed to do. Who I am going to help. But when I talk to my parents about it as I've been prompted to multiple times I feel degraded by them and by myself. Are these thoughts really mine? Or are they a Higher Power's? And then why am I so driven to do such outlandish things? The conversation really hurt, and I have had to re-examine my motives and intents. Sometimes I guess we have to feel the pain at the beginning to avoid it at the end. Or is it that the pain comes at first to help you understand it as you go through the path.
I just want to know...Is this preparation for my path or is it a deterrent? But I guess that might be up to me.

Honest with Myself

What is the greatest thing we can learn in this life? It is my opinion that there is no greater truth we can discover than personal identity. "Who am I?" is uttered by every soul on the earth, whether it be silently or verbally, at some point in life. I have learned who I am; I have learned who everybody else is; and I know what it is I am intended to do (in a broad sense, and I discover the particulars as I continue on my journey).
But I am just a man, and as a man I am an example of the rest of humanity. We all are meant to find, or rather, create who we are as individuals and as a collective. This weekend I have had cousins in town whom I have never been close with in the entirety of my life. So I jsut tried my best to be hones with who I am, honest with who they are, and honest about what I believe. Many different Saygobedos have come in that short time so far, and today my cousin, who is still trying to establish who he is as a man, said to me "Kyle, you're a good person...you're a great role model." I didn't feel taht I had done anything special of unique, but I simply tried my best top act according to who I feel I am.
I'm quite excited that each person can have an impact regardless of how weak he/she is.
"The weak things of the world shall go forth and break down the mighty and strong ones..."

This is truth

"You need to see Laren at 11:30, Kyle" I knew this was right.
after a 6 hour Man-date with one of my good pals, I needed to go over to another friend's house while in Cedar. I should not text her first, I should not call her first, nor any of her room,but show up unannounced. When she answered the door, her eyes filled with shock and gratitude
"How did you know I needed you?"
"Oh, the spirit told me at about seven"
She openly wept in my arms...it was a really tender moment for us. I'm overcome with gratitude when I think of the mercy we receive at the hand of the Almighty"...he counsels in wisdom and in justice and in great mercy over all his works."

(Note: This took over a day and a plethora (teehee) of tries to submit...we all need Patience eh?)

Jumping In

Hi Everyone!

Thanks for your posts so far. The inspire me.

I have had so many SayGoBeDo moments recently that it would be difficult to describe them all at once. I suppose that is why we need to blog daily. I guess my 30 days starts today.

A major SGBD that affected me recently came not through me, but through a friend of mine who followed her impression. She and her husband had been making some decisions about work, and really seeking direction about it. She had been praying a lot but never quite felt like she had received any direction. The other evening, all she felt was that she should call me.

So, she called me and we had a good discussion. We were to the point where it was about time to hang up when I had the feeling that I should ask her how she and her husband were doing financially. She told me their situation and their frustrations. Her husband felt like he needed to strike out on his own, help build and run something. They had talked to people from a school where we had both worked before, but nothing seemed to be happening, and that she felt like she should call me. She had been going on for about 5 minutes when finally it hit me - I was starting a school, and needed someone with exactly his skill set to help me! It made me laugh how long it took for me to realize exactly what was going on.

That one conversation enabled at least half a dozen other important conversations with a number of other people in the past few days. I am always amazed at how much Heavenly Father is a master of timing. Even one day later that conversation would have been much different. As it is, I know that He knows what is going on, and He will make everything work out for our good, perfectly!

Just info

At times we are not told what to do but we are merely given information that we did not acquire by any effort on our own part. We are given this information and are then expected to act on it, to use in some way that will profit us or someone else. It may be knowing something about a person that they never told you or knowing that the tree is going to get blown over in an hour. Whatever the information maybe knowing how to act on it is the most important part. For the past the days I've been trying to figure out how I know this girl from class and how she knows me but to no completion. I know so much about her it is not right, i know her character, how she is going to move, or even a lot of time what she is about to say. I have not met here before the beginning of this week and yet i know her far better than that. what does this mean and how to act is unclear but be assured when we are given any knowledge it is meant to be used.

Matisyahu

As i painted an exterior motel wall today, I felt very strongly to talk to some customers getting ready to leave, they were more than an hour past checkout, and what we talked about was philosophy and his religion (he was wearing a skull cap/yamacha and a prayer shawl). We had a great conversation and I cherish the experience. Then i listened to Matisyahu, a Jewish rapper from NYC (I think) and these are his lyrics from his song King Without a Crown. My mom spoke to me this morning of an insight she had from yesterday; We all "prove" ourselves in this life, not so much by making it through the trials, but by rising above the world/attachments to the world. "For he that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, whosoever shall find his life shall lose it, but whosoever shall lose his life, for my sake, shall find it." "How is it done Lord?" I prayed "I will tell you today as you ponder it out for yourself...you don't want to stand on your mother's conviction, do you?" today as i worked out i felt to listen to this song...it hugely impacted me...how is it done? "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and HE shall raise you up"-James. "Deflate your ego"- Matisyahu.

King Without a Crown:
You're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know your peace
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till twilight
Said thank you to my God, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might

[Chorus:]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now

Strippin’ away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high, bound to stay low
You want God but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy, and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Searching up to the sky and looking beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
You keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and then you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze

[Chorus:]
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now, time we start revealing
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a whole in the ceiling
I give myself to you from the essence of my being and I
Sing to my god, songs of love and healing
I want Moshiach now

See I lift up my eyes where my help come from
And I seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed
Look to the sky where my help come from
Seen it circling around from the mountain
Thunder!
You feel it in your chest
You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest
You're not vexed

{Ziggy-yiggy-yo viggy-yiggy-yo

Listen

I didn't listen when i really needed to today. You know your suppose to but for some reason you chose not to. Today they were making small talk but they really had something to tell me but i was not paying enough attention to notice. I hurt them because of it and yet they still talked to me because they needed someone to listen even if it was with little focus. When you are told to listen do it

Steps Through Fear

Throughout the day I have been given promptings to write my kinda-friend Joe a note to express my feelings. Problem was, I didn't know what my feelings were concerning him. He's a great guy, a year younger than I am, and is in the Army. Tomorrow morning he ships off for sixth months in Iraq and then a year in Afghanistan. What do I tell the man? I've never faced the situation he is facing. I've not even talked to him all that much despite his wanting to talk to me (Yeah, it was a neglectful move on my part). So at first, i struggled with the prompting, but knew it was a saygobedo moment. I eventually mustered up the courage to write him a short note which was as sincere as it could possibly be at the time of almost paralyzing insecurity; for my emotions have not been shown to Joe before.
After the note was written it needed some deliverin, but i had to work all day (from 8am-10pm, and did not have the time to do such deliverin. Eventually, the propmting took hold to leave my work and deliever it right now (at like 9pm). When I got to his house I found only his mom there in the kitchen, very composed, and yet still fairly distraught.
"How are you holding up?" I asked
"Oh, I'm doing good, doing really really well." She seemed rather unconvinced.
after talking a few moments about hos the boys went off to golf for the day, the distinct impression came that she needed a hug, from me, and right then. I don't know how she felt about it, but i felt much more comforted after the hug (despite playing hooky from work to deliver the note).
I guess it's just one of those things; we can't always see the end from the beginning. Joe, thank you for serving my friend, may God be with you, and more importantly for you, may you be with God.

Fight to Act

Sometimes you feel like you should do something but for a reason you don’t hope to guess at nothing works out at first. You’re asking yourself the question” was I really feeling this or was it just my body playing tricks on me?” For the past two months I’ve been fighting to get into BYU for their summer language program. Everything I seemed to do was rejected at every turn. I felt that the Lord wanted me down there but even my Bishop called me in to give me a calling. I was fighting strong when BYU told me they didn’t want me. At that point I asked myself the question again but I knew the answer and knew already what I needed to do. I fought harder and told BYU to relook and to let me in. Four days before classes started my Dad said “great, I’m glade you’re sticking around; I could really use your help, you can be my campaign manager”. Later that evening I received an email saying that BYU had changed their minds and that my fighting had paid off. I know things don’t always turn out like this but there are times we just need to go through the process.

I arrived here at BYU this evening and there were about five people playing folk music out front on the grass. It sounded great! The thought came to mind “ask if they have room for a banjo”. I did and they welcomed me in. Next Saturday I will be playing with the group down at Thanksgiving Point for an event. Chance feeling, chance result, I don’t think so. Act or be acted upon.

Just one example...

Whenever I get an impression to take a step into the dark and talk to friends which I haven't spoken to for a while I become anxious (Self-conscious)and usually displace the thought as soon as I can. But the other day i had the impressions to, not only call up a friend and talk to him, but to ask him a question about something that had been on my mind for a while but had just come to the forefront of my conscious thoughts. I fully felt that this was from God and i needed to do it. But when I called, to my dismay, there was no answer.
Today he called back and we had a great conversation about the "Gift of the Discerning of Spirits," which i feel is essential to understand if I'm going to be committed to this Saygobedo challenge and avoid deception by myself or the adversary. He gave me his opinion on the matter and pointed me to the Doctrine and Covenants section 6. In verse 16 its teaches that only God can know the thoughts and intents of our hearts, and therefore all Satan and his angels can do is make their best guesses about what would be the most powerful temptation for us. I give Satan far too much credit, assuming that he has the knowledge to tempt me with the antithesis of a prompting right before it comes in an effort to distract my attention. But he can't, he can only guess what's going on, and he doesn't know the thoughts of God! So here's my new principle, whatever comes first I will follow with my heart, mind, and soul "doubt[ing] not, fear[ing] not", otherwise, if I doubt, Satan will use truth against me and I will hesitate, thereby missing the opportunity granted to me.
This was an amazing day for revelation! I'm very grateful for it, very much so indeed.

it's like a game of chess with 17 dimensions, 70 billion people, and agency

"Kyle, it's time to go now"
"Yeah, I know..."
I leave a good friend's house where we had made breakfast to go to work, which I'm fairly certain I'm later than i hope, want, and am expected to be. One my way out of tyown, in my half rushed fashion, I come across a dude on the street in camo. "You should give that guy a ride" (sometimes i wait until the third time intentionally because I know it's a saygobedo moment and I like the three witnesses to act) "OK" So i hsd over shot him by now and have to venture round the block to gfind the poor man again (Oh, and it's like 8;23 in the morning I think)
I aught up to him as he went into a dealership parking lot and was peering into cars (I s'pose just to check their wares...) and holler "Would you like a ride?" yes of course he'd like a ride! To the enarest ford dealer please, he simply must find himself a ford for when the gov't pays him a handsom sum of a million dollars. Mike was his name, and Mike was a real nice gato. As he was leaving I said "Don;t forget how much God loves you, Mike" "How did YOU know God loves me?" "Because He loevs everyone as much as he loves you my friend!"
We got to chat a bit, and I was lucky enough to have food left over from breakfast to offer him. He gladly accepted all of it (save the milka dn the strawberry Nesquik...poor guy, those 2 were the best things!) What's the result of this tale? I don't know the final end, but this much I can attest to: As i drove out of town to the North, i felt like I Have never seen farther or more clearly the majestic scenary of our small Cedar City abode...and it had never been so beautiful as it was after I had helped my new friend, Mike :-)

Battles

OOOOOOHHHH. SO thiis what i noticed today. Right when you get a saygobedo moment, the adversary and doubt and fear and apprehension all combine forces, using truth and error, to torment the mind of the honest in heart. "Kyle, go to Cedar City now". ok, done. "Kyle, go to cedar city. no go home and hjelp your sick mother clean her house. go home and play games with your brother. Go to Cedar CIty and talk with Johanna, but whether you do or whether you don;t, it doesn't matter..." and so on. So what is my experience? That the unknown results await me in the ahead of me times. I did get to comfort Laren in Cedar City, and talk with Mila and help her by being a male presence in the hom. I get to make breakfast for Rachel and Jillian. Not to mention retrieve my mother's rescued computer. What would have happened in Panguitch? good things I'm sure. But this is where i should have been, for this is where I've been permitted to see more of myself by seeing into the eyes of my neighbor...what a glorious day.

Ya know, I'm glad I did that.

What more can I say than visit the sick and the afflicted? When i woke up this morning it was to the tune of Kalai, which is great, but it's not the Sunday type of music i was looking for. So I did what i could to get the words of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" in my mind, and life seemed to be good from there. After church, saygobedo suggested my visiting an old Alzheimer patient named Mary Perkins (I am in LVOE with Mary Perkins!). she cracks me up man, so I was like "Yeah, let's do it!" and off i go, I also had the chance to mee Ramona and Mr's Yazzi.
After a lovely visit there, I felt impressed to go and see a woman i hometaught with a highpriest fella when i was fifteen (quick math problem. 22-15=7, 7 years ago (ahahah)), but she wasn't home, or maybe she passed away, I don;t exactly know. as i drive away i see the house of another family i hometaught with the same highpriest man; the Greys. "Hey, go visit the Greys"
"When? Now?"
"Yeah"
"Really? Shouldn't i bring them something? Like cookies maybe?"
"No. What if they have diabetes? You don't know"
"I feel like i should do some prep work..."
"No, you're fine. Just go do it. Saygobedo"
"ok, fine. give me the strenght and I'll do it"
I walk up to the door with a few butterflies. Brother Grey invites me on in and I ask to sit down. This was truly a miraculous meeting. Sister grey has been laid up for months with health issues and has not been able to get to church at all in that time (she had a hard tom seven years ago, let alone now!) She was so shocked to see who I was and even more surprised at the fact that i would take enough note of them to come and visit them. Through the course of the conversation I felt that i should sing them a hymn (She LOVES music), thinking maybe it would help ease the burden of being away from the church. I ask them if i can and they, of course, permit it. So I sang "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" and then "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and it made her life! (well...her day). She was so appreciative! Then she asked me to go next door and sing to her brother and his family whose father (in his 90's) had just passsed away two days ago, and that was also a very powerful meeting for us all.
But the greatest part of the whole day was when I left the Greys, and asked Sister Grey if I could give her a hug. She gave me the BIGGEST HUG OF MY LIFE! I didn't think that she had the strength! It was a fantastic experience. They invited me back anytime i wanted and immediately fear began to pummel me from all sides. But what reason have I to fear? The Lord is on my side! And to men can do anything! so long as one of those two men is God ;-)

"Go to the Temple, Now"

Thursday morning the universe conspired to allow me to get of work at 8:30 in the morning. "well shat should i do now?" i thought. "go study your scriptures on the swing" I was told. "will I need my study journal?" i asked. "no study journal" I was told. So off I go, and after about five minutes of studyingi felt strongly and repeatedly "You need to go to the temple, now." Ok, to the temple I'll go.
With each step and each prayer i felt an assurance that this was the right thing to do, despite it being quite inconvenient and contrary to my plans of going Saturday morning with my friend. Conversely, with each answer from God, i had threee answers from Satan and my own fear. I soon ahd a hard time discerning the spirits aboput what i should do, what i should do on the way, who i should call about things, all sorts of things i needed to study out before i went to the temple. It was about the msot frustrating trip to the temple I've ever ahd for about half of the time to there from Panguitch. I drove the same stretch of raod three or five times in an attempt to find what answer I needed. I had to stop and sleep in my car because I was too tired to keep going. Pretty soon i was "cumbered about with much worrying" and found myself lost in a see of doubts and lesser things.
Alas and curses! My conviction had wained and I was beginnning to be left unto myself; seeking knowledge of details without need, relying too much upon the Lord's hand moving me forcefully, not listening for the WHISPERINGS of the spirit and for peace to be guiding me. (Satan, you're a jerk!)
At last, after allowing the lesser things to be worked out, and doing my best to keep the original intention of the saygobedo moment, I made it to the temple, and all of the important details were taken care of by a mightier power, and the items of lesser importance fell out of my life. The result of the temple trip? A paradigm shift. A new resolve for good. A lesson in Bondage. An additional and clearly stated purpose for my existence. Guidance for my next few steps. Greater integrity. Time with amazing friends. And greatest of all, a knowledge of who I am in the eternities.
Hopefully the next "Kyle, go [______], now" will be accepted more graciously . i suspect it will :-)

Sometimes you've got to walk away from the car

Well...it seems to me that the Lord often asks us to do inconvenient things, and it seems that i can do the mildly inconvenient, and i can do pretty good with the majorly inconvenient, but whenit comes to that middle ground i often waver and stumble, because it's not super easy enough to just say "yeah I'll do that now," and not hard enough to be like "this will revolutionize the world!" but is more along the lines of "sweet thought...i wonder if that was me or something higher...probably me" and then i don't get it done. Yesterday i was prompted to call a friend that i have wanted to help soooo bad since I've been home from Georgia. I made the call and felt that i was going to help, but we had no service! yarrrgh! but it's cool, i asked to call me back later at about eleven. Little did i know that i was going to be on a date with two friends on top of Red Canyon gazing at the stars(i know right 1/2 of a triple date) and then she called...moderately inconvenient right? I NEEDED to talk to her, because SHE needed to here how valuable she is. IT WAS INSANE! we had one of the most intense conversations of my entire life and my heart was like the size of my torso...yep...all of it. I knew that the Lord was working through us. This never would have happened had i not left the car and walked into the dark. It was such a small thing that was moderately hard for me to do...her life is changed forever...and so is mine.

The First Day

Brothers and Sisters, Welcome!
I'm so excited for this to be the greatest account of spiritual endeavors I've undertaken, and suspect that it will magnifiy our efforts ten-fold simply by our account to eachother on what we are doing here. We are serving with every step. Changing with every breath! Manifesting in the lives of others a love that is without shame! We, brothers and sisters, are going to change the world of everyone around us, for we know our purpose, and come hell or high waters we will achieve our end, for no power on earth can slow or stop us from achieving our end, only discomfort and fear will thwart us. Let us not be fearful! Let us not shirkn the fray within ourselves and give place to a very real enemy of our souls whom seeks our destruction through lulling us into complaisance and sloth. But we will not be deceived! For Heaven is our aim! Let us go and be whom we are meant to be.
God speed my friends. :-)
Kyle Bateman